Summer Running Goals

Hello everyone. Happy Friday!!

I have been sliiiiightly MIA for a few weeks now. Either I am too busy or having too much fun to blog, or I am struggling with eating and really don’t feel like blogging. Please forgive me!

A week ago I was on a Disney Caribbean cruise! My sister has all the pictures- but I will share some when I get my hands on them. It was amazing, to say the least.

 

GUYS AUGUST FIRST AHH COLLEGE APPS AHHHHH

Pushing that out of my mind, today I completed my last running goal for the summer!
I wanted to

1. Run under 25 minutes for a 3 mile time trial

2. Complete the 9 mile loop at the local forest preserve (I actually wrote down 10 miles, I thought it was a ten mile loop!)

The first goal I actually completed on the cruise! Weird, right?? I tried to keep up with running by doing laps on the track on the boat, which worked pretty well. I ran with a cute guy a few days too which didn’t hurt

There was a 5k on Castaway Cay, Disney’s private island (!!) one morning, so of course I signed up!
It wasn’t too hot, but it was kind of humid, and as soon as the clock started, it POURED. The kind of rain where you can barely see in front of you and your shoes go Squish Squish with every step.

That was a MEMORABLE experience. I was running by myself, and I wanted to PR, since my 5k record was like 26 minutes or something.  I had kind of given up with the rain, but I tried to push through it! I guess I did because I ended with a time of 24:45! Not too shabby considering the rain and all. I’m really hoping that without the extra .1 I will be able to run under 24 for a 3 mile time trial in 2 weeks

 

So today I completed the second goal! The 9 mile loop!

We added a mile at the end, because, well, when you are thaaaaaaaaaaaat close to double digits….

Before & After 10 mile pictures! Our first time!!  

We went out to breakfast afterwards. I mean running ten miles deserves a good breakfast. I got lemon raspberry crepes. MMMMMM.

Crepes may be my favorite restaurant breakfast food.

 

 

Anyways, I’ve got a lot to do today! A long night at work and volunteering and running errands and starting college stuff (EVERYTHING STARTS TODAY!)

 

Gotta run! <— not literally. I already did that

 

Longest distance you have ever run?

What were your summer goals?

Pancakes, waffles, crepes, or french toast????

 

Emily

WWW- Summer Books

Hello! Happy Wednesday!!

I’m not going to participate in WIAW, because honestly sometimes the comparison trap hurts me. And I eat a lot of food. Lots of noms. You don’t understand the amount of consumption I do. And I want to eat what I want without documenting it. So at this point in my life, no WIAW. I’m not ready enough for that kind of thing. But I do enjoy reading all of yours. This girl likes meal ideas!

 

So instead I found this little link up from a new to me blog called Plants and Pages. Kris has a great blog and I love her posts!!

 

 

It’s pretty much 3 W’s…

1. What I ‘m currently reading

2. What I just finished reading

3. What I think I will read next

And since I’ve been reading a lot this summer, I had to do a post!

 

Currently reading…

I just started Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. I watched Forks over Knives recently and I have been really interested in factory farming and how the meat we eat becomes the meat we eat. I literally just started it yesterday though, so we will see how I like it!

Just finished….

Okay, I’m a nerd. But with APs and college visits (my last ones are this Friday & Saturday!) I picked this up and flew through it. I have to start on my college essays!

I can’t really review it because of what it is on, but it was a quick read and I learned a few things

This book solidified my decision to go to a smaller school. It also made me think twice about the “6 hour rule” I have set for myself.

The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein.

THIS BOOK. I read this one on my Nook. <—I can borrow library books on my nook- best invention ever!

Oh man. I loved this book. I love dogs and I love how this book wasn’t perfect and there were all these twists and turns and the perspective was amazing. Is this turning into a movie?? I saw something when I googled it to find the cover. This would be a goooooood movie. If they did it right. The story was fascinating. I tore through this. If anyone loves animals and realistic fiction/books about families and relationships, this is for you. The perspective is from the dog’s point of view. That’s what makes it so unique and great.

I was on kind of an animal streak after this one, so I picked up this off the new books shelf at the library.

Animal WIsdom by Linda Bender

This was definitely not an easy read. I’m not going to lie, I skipped parts of it. Since there wasn’t a story, it was hard for me to stay focused. However, it is really fascinating what Linda Bender knows about animals and what we can learn from them. It brought up a lot of things I had never considered about my dog in particular, but all animals really.

I’ve also read Reality Boy (Eh) and TFIOS (lived up to the hype!)

 

Next on my list….

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

When it comes in at the library, of course!

and perhaps Orphan Train by Christina Baker Klein. It’s on the summer reading list at my school, and I tend to like the summer reading list books.

 

 

What have you read lately? Any suggestions?

Are you a fiction or a nonfiction reader? I’m totally both, which is kind of weird!

What is your favorite running book? I want to be inspired.

 

Emily

Thinking Out Loud #1: I must confess…

Happy Thursday! I hope you have a wonderfully fabulous day. You deserve it.

 

First confession. I have never done a real link up before. I didn’t “get it”. I just thought everyone did WIAW posts on their own….. Nope, they are actually all linked up. I’ve been blogging on and off for over a year and it took me this long to figure it out. Sooooo I am finally joining in on this link party. Thank you to Amanda at Running with Spoons. I like her recipes. They are drool worthy. Just saying.

Second confession. There has been some crazy mileage this week. 4.5 miles, 4 miles (2 at tempo pace), 7.25 (!!!) miles, and finally 4.5 today. My legs and feet are tiiiiiiiiiiired.

But I got new shoes from a brand I’ve never heard of. They are pretty cute though.

 

I think I like them so far. Well, I hope I do. I’ve put like 12 miles on them so I don’t think I can return them now

 

Confession #3: I am the proud owner borrower of a car. My mom just bought a used Prius so I get to drive the minivan now!!

It’s SO CUTE and cost and environmentally friendly. My mom loves it and so do I!! I haven’t driven it yet though- I’m too scared!

Confession #4: I need to do a Summer Reading post. I’m on an animal books kick lately. Maybe it has something to do with this little one.

Her name is Addy and we have been watching her for a week while her family is on vacation. She is too sweet, and she only weighs 10 pounds!!

Confession #5: I watched a documentary about how America works and the systems its made up of. There was a part about cows being slaughtered. I haven’t eaten any meat since I watched it 2 weeks ago. This explains my sudden vegetarian pinterest boards, if you were curious. I was talking to Leigha, and I don’t want to label or restrict myself, so I’m just saying that I’m eating more plant based!  

Confession #6: Lunch tastes better eaten outside. Fact.

 

Confession #7: I could write about all the college research I’ve been doing this week and how AP scores come out Saturday or how I forgot to take off work the days I’m supposed to do visits next week. But I’m tired of talking about college. So I’m just going to forget about it for today

Confession #8: White Chocolate Wonderful is, in fact, wonderful. I can’t believe it took me so long to try this stuff.

Confession #9: Foodbabe posted about Abe’s Market Try for $2 deal.

http://www.abesmarket.com/try/

Today the products aren’t as exciting as yesterday. I ordered vegan jerky, mango chia bars, and honey cookies. I’m super pumped. $2 and shipped per sample? Count me in. I’ll let you guys know how I like everything as soon as I get it!

Final confession: I haven’t gone to yoga in over a week. This is not good. I need yoga. With all this running, I’m just sooooo tired. I will go soon though. I miss the studio. I think yoga has really helped my running as well. I want to keep it up!!

 

 

Enjoy the rest of your day!

 

Emily

Do you regularly participate in link ups?

Have you ever tried eating vegan?

What is your favorite kind of peanut butter?

What helps you be a better runner?

Quick & Easy hummus: A recipe review

The other day I came across this recipe for hummus on Pinterest:

Best Ever 5 minute Microwave Hummus

Now I’ve always wanted to try making my own hummus. I was out of hummus, and TJ’s stopped selling my favorite kind- horseradish!- so I figured it was a perfect time to try out the recipe.

I used a tablespoon of squeezable organic garlic, and just 1 tablespoon of olive oil (the good stuff my dad brings back from Portugal!)

I had to buy Tahini from the grocery store with different cultural foods.

The author of the recipe writes that she could eat this stuff with a spoon. I agree. It’s totally perfect.

I made it in the blender, which was perfect because this made a LOT of hummus! It blended perfectly in like fifteen seconds.

I made it two days ago and it’s more than halfway gone. Mostly consumed by me. Trust me, this stuff is as good as the recipe suggests.

I can’t wait to try it again. I need to experiment with mix-ins now. Where can I find horseradish???

My favorite way of eating it? Power veggie sandwich.

Spread your hummus on Ezekiel bread.

Be very generous. Serving sizes do not apply to homemade items because YOU CHOOSE YOUR SERVING SIZE. Hehe.

Cut up and add your favorite veggies. The more colors, the better. My weapons of choice included fresh spinach, yellow bell pepper, and grape tomatoes. I suggest normal tomatoes because the grape guys will fall out of your sandwich. P.S. I suggest adding avocado as well. When I made this sandwich again, I added some and it made it 100000x better.

Sandwich that baby and enjoy while sitting on the step in the front of your house. It’s a beautiful day. Enjoy it.

 

What recipes have you tried lately?

What are your thoughts on a plant based diet?

What is your favorite kind of hummus?

Emily

The other side: Binging during Recovery

Hello everyone. Happy Tuesday!!

I know this is supposed to be a running blog and stuff, but it’s my blog and my rules! Right now I am blogging about recovery.

Today I am going to discuss the biggest problem of my recovery journey so far. Binging.

Over the past few weeks, I have been following my meal plan almost perfectly, challenging myself and doing my best not to restrict.

I have finally gotten to a point where I do not count calories. Sometimes I add things up out of habit, but I don’t even know what my intake looks like on an average day.

Sometimes I get the urge to eat and never stop eating.

I’m hungry and food doesn’t fix the hunger.

It’s the scariest feeling in the whole world. It’s exactly what I am afraid of. Total loss of control.

It’s secretive. But the more I have talked about it- with my mom, the dietitian, etc, the less it happens.

I binge when I am alone and anxious. This can be triggered by many different things. Mostly feelings of loneliness.

I am slowly learning to let go. I can calm myself down and not go completely crazy during a binge. Today after breakfast I had a small bag of chocolate covered pretzels and two servings of PB2.

I stopped myself. Yeah, I ate a lot, but I was able to calm myself down enough to stop.

This post explains things http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/10/31/bingeing-is-not-bingeing.html

I don’t know how much of it is completely true, but I do know that I need to forgive myself in order to move past this.

Maybe the “Binge” this morning wasn’t really a binge at all. Maybe it’s just my body trying to fix itself.

 

I told my coach that I have an eating disorder. He talked to me for a while. Then he gave me a big hug. I was terrified of telling him, but I now am so relieved to know he is going to help.

Tomorrow’s the endocrinologist appointment. Wish me luck! I will find out what running I am allowed to do this summer. Crossing my fingers!!

 

Do you have any experience with binge eating?

I need advice for the mornings or afternoons I am alone in the house in the kitchen. Do you eat with the TV on? (This seems to be a trigger for me and binging) Do you read instead? (Also seems like a trigger..) or do you just eat without any kind of distraction?

 

Emily

Thursday Thoughts.

This post may be kinda all over the place.. Please forgive me!

 

First, I’m just going to put this out there.

Andrew & I are taking a break. We have been for about a month now. We are broken up, I guess, officially, after 3 and a half years of being together. It was a mutual agreement. We just decided we didn’t want the stress of a relationship anymore. We still have been talking, and we don’t have any grudges. It’s just a life change. I’m independent for the first time in a long time and… it doesn’t feel that different. I guess that shows that the relationship needed to end. It’s a change, but I’m okay. It’s better this way.

One more thing- I decided not to do marching band this year. I had too much on my plate. I finally decided that putting my mental health first was my priority. I will miss marching band, but I need down time in my life to function and to be happy.

 

I am running again, after a month off! Summer running started Monday. Man, my body needs time to adjust to the humidity. It’s been a rough couple of days.

BUUUTTT today we had the mile threshold test. I didn’t PR, but we weren’t expected to (nobody did!). However, I did finish the mile in 7:10, running faster than girls who have PRs under 6:30!!

Food is making me stronger, now slower. I needed to see this.

I am so thankful for the amazing team I have. Both my therapist and my dietitian have really helped me. I had no idea I could be this much better. Last night, my dietitian talked with me on the phone for over an hour. I am so blessed!!

Question- How do you know when your running shoes are worn out? I think I may need new ones, but I didn’t track miles on mine.

 

What changes have you made in your life lately?

What quotes keep you going?

How do you prioritize your happiness?

Emily

Fabulous Friday- Pinterest Edition!

Happy Friday everyone! And happy summer to those who (like me) finished up school this week. Helloooo senior year!

 

I have been spending most of my free time on Pinterest lately. Productivity for the win. <—not.

 

Confession: I never pin decorating stuff. I’m too darn lazy to make my space look pretty. But this is EXACTLY what I want my college dorm to look like.

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/68328119321280529/

The lights + the canopy+ the mint/gray combo+ the rug = ❤

Speaking of college, Marquette has people calling me to answer questions about applying!! Holy cow!! I wasn’t going to start my applications until August! Confession: I spend an embarrassingly large amount of time just looking at college websites.

 

My hair had been feeling super frizzy and all kinds of blah until I came across this pin. Her tips are perfect. I need to put on gel and scrunch my hair BEFORE I EVEN GET OUT OF THE SHOWER. Who knew??

 http://www.pinterest.com/pin/68328119321267697/

 

YOU ARE GOING TO THANK ME FOR SHARING THIS.

This is the best idea in the history of ever.

I made it this morning with Whole Wheat bread, and coconut oil instead of butter, and it was SO PERFECT.

I made one for my sister with white bread. She is totally picky but she even liked it!

Of course I forgot to take pictures but oh well.

Go make it, now.

I’ll post pictures and exactly how I made mine on a later date.

 

Another recipe! I tried out this Egg Bake the other day.

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/68328119321276477/

It ended up looking a little less pretty….

It was still pretty tasty. I’m not too sure I’ll make it again, the tomato/egg combo was a bit strange to me.

 

I’ve been trying my best to incorporate more and more plant based foods into my diet. I came across some stuff about factory farming the other day. I can’t believe I am supporting that as well as all the negative environmental impacts! I’m not becoming “vegetarian” at this point, but I am trying to be more conscious of my meat consumption and try to see other plant based alternatives!

 

Finally….

 

 

 

Last but not least, does anyone have any good ideas for a gift for graduates??

I almost deleted this because my stomach looks chubby. But then I remembered it’s just my mind playing tricks on me, and nobody is looking at my tummy anyways. They are looking at my face. Speaking of that, please excuse my teary face. It was a sad day!

 

That’s all for today folks. Have a marvelous weekend!!

 

Emily

Scales are for Fishes

Daily reason to recover: For my amazing Aunt Kathie.

Current Phone Background:

 

 

@Webiteback has been my biggest motivator lately. I love the little sayings. This one is especially relevant in my life right now.

Side note: I find it really weird that people, myself included personify their eating disorder. Why do I do this? It’s not my original idea, but part of the culture of recovery. It truly does help to separate myself from my eating disordered thoughts. I don’t have a split personality, it just helps me to create a clear distinction between who I am and my feelings and the eating disorder I am facing.

Potential TW, I discuss calorie consumption in this post.

 

XXX pounds is where it started.

 

Getting to XXX, goal weight #1, was easy.  A few healthy swaps. No sacrificing dessert. More veggies. More running.

 

XXX to XXX was a long journey. This is where things went wrong. I started cutting things out of my diet, drastically. I did gluten free and dabbed in paleo and did the 21 day sugar detox. I gained weight, lost it, and gained again. I discovered that MyFitnessPal could make this easy. Calories in, calories out. I start counting calories. The number I let myself hit goes down to 1200.

XXX was the next goal weight. People started to get nervous. I saw a dietitian. I opened up. She wasn’t much help, and didn’t recognize my eating disorder. She even further pushed me into the disorder by suggesting my blood sugars weren’t good enough and the protein bars I ate had too much added sugar. She just wanted me to add healthy fats like “eating a spoonful of coconut oil”. She told me I looked too thin. Then she told me I looked better after a week, even though I had lost weight. She made me swap my whey protein with vegan alternatives. Now my chocolate protein powder tastes like peas.

At this point I started eating over 1,500 calories a day. Sometimes I would hit 1,800! My dietitian had helped temporarily.

 

Then I went on vacation. I ate like a pretty normal, healthy person. I had Ted Drews frozen custard (kids size, but still!) snacked on peanuts and split a steak. It was delicious. I felt normal. Guilt was there, yes, but I felt normal. It was around this time that I broke 7:00 in the mile. I was doing pretty good.

 

Suddenly it all came crashing down. I can’t say what happened. I just became consumed with my disordered thoughts. My life’s purpose became not to eat. I wouldn’t eat above 1,000 calories a day. I would skip whatever meals I could. Some days I ate 800 calories. Some days it was 600, or 400, 250. At this point I was running an average of 4 miles a day, with speedwork some days and weight lifting some days. Running was my outlet. I didn’t have to worry about food for those 40 minutes. It was amazing. I felt slow and exhausted, but I still did it, not because I had to but because I wanted to.

 

At this point I pushed away a lot of friends. I won’t go into details about that today.

 

I knew I wasn’t fat. I knew I was losing weight. I knew my weight was low and I wasn’t allowed to lose any more. But I had to. I can’t describe it. Some days, I still feel like this, to be totally honest.

 

When I first started recovery I didn’t think I deserved it because my weight wasn’t yet in the double digits. I weighed XXX pounds. As of two weeks ago, I was in the double digits. XX.

And it hit me.

It will never be good enough.

It will always be “too much”. Too many calories eaten, too many pounds. I can’t win when ED controls my brain like this.

Nobody cares about these numbers except ED. So I deleted them from this post. They are irrelevant.

 

My mom took away my scale. (actually a wii fit since we don’t own a scale..) It’s time to let go and trust the process.

 

Yesterday I felt like myself for the first time in months. What I ate doesn’t really matter, but I ate a LOT. I ate carbs and fat like a NORMAL PERSON. I struggled with guilt but it was delicious. I let myself enjoy it.  My aunt is here from California and she has been so supportive thus far. I am so thankful for her. She gave me strength to power through yesterday.

 

I’m going to fight to make this week a good one, just like yesterday. Thanks for reading. Please don’t feel obligated to comment- I’m blogging for my personal therapy- but I love hearing from you if you have any advice or stories to share!! ❤

 

Emily

 

Pictures from Pinterest

New Beginnings.

TW: I talk about ED & numbers in this post.

Lately, I have been busy.

My last post was in April.

Why have I been so busy?
Well, first of all, I got a job at a Frozen Yogurt shop.

Obviously school is always busy especially when combined with track.

Yeah, I had AP tests last week.

I turned seventeen.

But these are just little things. The reason I have REALLY been busy?

I’ve been busy counting every calorie I eat. Myfitnesspal is probably the most used app on my iphone.

 

I’ve been busy planning and criticizing and worrying about what to eat and when to eat it and exactly how much to eat.

I’ve been stepping on the scale and trying to figure out the next trick I can use to lower the number. Double digits. Double digits.

I’ve been stalking recovery instagrams just looking at all the food that people can eat. But not me. Other people. I find joy in other people’s food.

I’ve been eating mints and chewing gum. Lots of it.

I’ve been following rules.

I’ve been pushing off meals. Breakfast? Let me get some stuff done first. Oh, now it’s late, I might as well wait for lunch. Or let me use the computer at lunch and eat my lunch as an afternoon snack. Or a dinner. And meals? Not balanced. At all. Healthy fats are nonexistent. Do you even know how many calories are in that?

I’ve been lowering my insulin so that my blood sugar doesn’t dip. I can manipulate the system. Diabetes is the perfect excuse to not eat anything.

I’ve been struggling. I’ve fallen deep into the traps of an eating disorder. I knew it. I know it. But I was too scared to really ask for any help.

Finally after a few doctor’s suggestions and breaking down in front of my mom, she called a dietitian and a therapist.

I’ve seen the dietitian twice now and I’m in the process of finding a counselor I like.

The dietitian says I can either work with her or I can choose inpatient (or some kind of intensive program).

I don’t want to keep living this “life.” It’s not life if you have pushed all your friends away, find yourself worried about everything, and feel isolated and depressed. I don’t want this.

 

This terrifies me. I can’t believe I’m one of “those girls.” I can’t REALLY be anorexic if I haven’t ever fasted and I eat at least 400 calories every day and I still weigh over 100 pounds and sometimes I eat samples of yogurt at work. Anorexics count the calories in vitamins. I don’t do that.

I need to accept that I am struggling with anorexia. I need to accept that at 5’6”, I cannot weigh under 100 pounds. I need to accept that I can choose recovery even if I never got to that magic 99 number. I need to accept that this is what’s best for me. I need to be strong. I need to choose recovery. Today I choose recovery for my mom.

 

On instagram (@smilemilegirl or #emsrecovery), I shared that I started recovery on 4/29/14. I feel like I am starting today as well. One step forward two steps back, but slowly and surely I will get there. Thank you for reading. In the coming weeks I will be trying my best to blog about recovery. Wish me luck.

 

Emily

April Goals

Hello everyone. I’ve been kind of nonexistent in the blog world. I’ve just had a lot going on in life! I’m not sure I’m in too great of a place right now, and I need to figure a few things out.

 

Let’s look at what I wanted to do in March.

1. Break 7:30 in the mile.

2. Actually go to a Yoga class

3. Focus on loving myself. This means less calorie counting, more acceptance, making sleep a higher priority, and practicing yoga!

 

1. & 2. were checked off my list. I talked about them in my last post!

but 3? Oh 3. Not so much. I was doing really well at the point I got that mile time earlier in March. But somehow things took a turn for the worst.

 

 

In April, my goal is simply to love myself. I have other things I want too, like keeping up my 4.0 and breaking 6:45 in the mile, etc, but I know that right now I just need to focus on me.

To me, that means the same as it did earlier: but a big emphasis on the food part. I need to get to an okay place with food, and stress less.

 

 

Other random news?

I visited St. Louis over break!

 

I went to SLU and didn’t care for it, and then I visited Truman State and LOVED IT (even though I would need to be much much faster to run on their team). They have an awesome Communication Sciences & Disorders department with a brand new clinic and a therapy dog!! Later I visited Augustana and didn’t care for it. I think every Junior in America went on college visits over break, haha  

 

I sprained my toe. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds. A 10 pound weight fell on my toe and… yeah. No running until Tuesday for me.

Picture of my socked feet because toes are ugly & gross.

 

I was SO lucky and I won Sunnie’s giveaway. Check out these GORGEOUS hoop earrings!!! I’m in love!! Thank you SO SO SO much Sunnie!!

I may have gotten a job at a new Frozen Yogurt place opening near my house. I got the callback interview and it went pretty well.. I think! I should get a call this weekend. Honestly the idea of a job really stresses me out but this would be the perfect job for me so I’m hoping for the best!!

 

Aaaand I already miss running. I’m just glad it’s only four days.

P.S. I am secretly in love with this tattoo I saw on Instagram the other day.

 

 

What are your April goals? How did you find a healthy balance with food and weight?

Have you ever been to Saint Louis? What were the deciding factors during your college search- or are you searching like I am?

What was your first job?

Do you want/have any tattoos?

 

Emily