Hello everyone. Happy Tuesday!!
I know this is supposed to be a running blog and stuff, but it’s my blog and my rules! Right now I am blogging about recovery.
Today I am going to discuss the biggest problem of my recovery journey so far. Binging.
Over the past few weeks, I have been following my meal plan almost perfectly, challenging myself and doing my best not to restrict.
I have finally gotten to a point where I do not count calories. Sometimes I add things up out of habit, but I don’t even know what my intake looks like on an average day.
Sometimes I get the urge to eat and never stop eating.
I’m hungry and food doesn’t fix the hunger.
It’s the scariest feeling in the whole world. It’s exactly what I am afraid of. Total loss of control.
It’s secretive. But the more I have talked about it- with my mom, the dietitian, etc, the less it happens.
I binge when I am alone and anxious. This can be triggered by many different things. Mostly feelings of loneliness.
I am slowly learning to let go. I can calm myself down and not go completely crazy during a binge. Today after breakfast I had a small bag of chocolate covered pretzels and two servings of PB2.
I stopped myself. Yeah, I ate a lot, but I was able to calm myself down enough to stop.
This post explains things http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/10/31/bingeing-is-not-bingeing.html
I don’t know how much of it is completely true, but I do know that I need to forgive myself in order to move past this.
Maybe the “Binge” this morning wasn’t really a binge at all. Maybe it’s just my body trying to fix itself.
I told my coach that I have an eating disorder. He talked to me for a while. Then he gave me a big hug. I was terrified of telling him, but I now am so relieved to know he is going to help.
Tomorrow’s the endocrinologist appointment. Wish me luck! I will find out what running I am allowed to do this summer. Crossing my fingers!!
Do you have any experience with binge eating?
I need advice for the mornings or afternoons I am alone in the house in the kitchen. Do you eat with the TV on? (This seems to be a trigger for me and binging) Do you read instead? (Also seems like a trigger..) or do you just eat without any kind of distraction?