Hello everyone. Happy Tuesday!! 
I know this is supposed to be a running blog and stuff, but it’s my blog and my rules! Right now I am blogging about recovery.
Today I am going to discuss the biggest problem of my recovery journey so far. Binging.
Over the past few weeks, I have been following my meal plan almost perfectly, challenging myself and doing my best not to restrict.
I have finally gotten to a point where I do not count calories. Sometimes I add things up out of habit, but I don’t even know what my intake looks like on an average day.
Sometimes I get the urge to eat and never stop eating.
I’m hungry and food doesn’t fix the hunger.
It’s the scariest feeling in the whole world. It’s exactly what I am afraid of. Total loss of control.
It’s secretive. But the more I have talked about it- with my mom, the dietitian, etc, the less it happens.
I binge when I am alone and anxious. This can be triggered by many different things. Mostly feelings of loneliness.
I am slowly learning to let go. I can calm myself down and not go completely crazy during a binge. Today after breakfast I had a small bag of chocolate covered pretzels and two servings of PB2.
I stopped myself. Yeah, I ate a lot, but I was able to calm myself down enough to stop.
This post explains things http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2012/10/31/bingeing-is-not-bingeing.html
I don’t know how much of it is completely true, but I do know that I need to forgive myself in order to move past this.
Maybe the “Binge” this morning wasn’t really a binge at all. Maybe it’s just my body trying to fix itself.
I told my coach that I have an eating disorder. He talked to me for a while. Then he gave me a big hug. I was terrified of telling him, but I now am so relieved to know he is going to help.
Tomorrow’s the endocrinologist appointment. Wish me luck! I will find out what running I am allowed to do this summer. Crossing my fingers!!
Do you have any experience with binge eating?
I need advice for the mornings or afternoons I am alone in the house in the kitchen. Do you eat with the TV on? (This seems to be a trigger for me and binging) Do you read instead? (Also seems like a trigger..) or do you just eat without any kind of distraction?
Emily
Smile Mile Girl 
I’m really bad at eating with distractions – especially reading (blogs or books). I went through this too during my recovery period – I promise it will pass. It’s just your body trying to get you to accept that you need food and trying to get control again. I love making tea when I feel like I’m constantly snacking 🙂 Keep staying strong and recovering, Emily! 😀
Thank you so much Liz!! This is exactly what I needed to hear!! (:
Binging was SO hard for me. Eating disorders make us lose all concepts of normal eating patterns like stopping when you’re full etc. After being deprived for so long, when I finally started eating normal amounts, I didn’t want to stop because my body was scared I would go into starvation again.Green tea was a life saver for me during recovery! It also helps with the bloat you sometimes get during recovery!
It’s so so good that you’re researching all of this and have loads of help. You ARE recovering, and one day, we’ll look back on this as your blog refocuses on running/life in general and talk about how strong and brave you are. And your coach sounds like an amazing person. They’d be crazy if they didn’t support you during this! I know this may sound crazy, but recovery is one of the best things you can go through. You are already so strong and inspirational, so I can’t imagine how incredible you are going to be when you beat this! You are so amazing Emily, and I am SO proud of you xx
nice post 🙂 x
Thank you Lucy!
Oh my goodness Emily I cannot believe how far you have come!! Not counting calories is a huge step. When I stopped I 100% experienced some bingeing as well…to be perfectly honest sometimes I still do. It’s as though we think that we might as well eat the whole world now because we won’t be able to tomorrow…but that’s so wrong. We can eat whatever we want tomorrow – the four sandwiches will still be there the next day. THANK YOU for this post and I cannot wait to hear what the endocrinologist says!! 🙂 ❤
Emma- Thank YOU for your reply!! 🙂 I really didn’t know this was so normal. Everyone is telling me they have struggled with this. I feel like it’s okay and it’s going to get better. Today is Day 3 with no binging. Yeah, i’ve eaten off the plan but that’s not binging!! We CAN eat whatever we want tomorrow. The endo said I can run!!! 🙂 I am so happy.
So so so so happy for you!! I struggled with bingeing, usually at dinner time. Well, really any time there’s an unlimited amount of food available. I have a hard time stopping when I’m full – it just tasted so good! That’s awesome that you told your coach and that he’s supportive. I find that reading books is a good distraction for me. Also going for a walk or bike ride helps tons ❤
Thank you Leigha!! Like I just responded to Emma, everyone telling me that this happened to them too makes me feel so much better. If all you beautiful girls got through this I must be able to too right?? It just tasted so good- that describes my life right now, haha 🙂 I have been trying to replace TV time with books. I just finished mine though. Read anything good recently?? 🙂