The diabetes monster strikes again

I have Type 1 Diabetes. I haven’t talked about diabetes much on this blog. Mainly, it’s because while diabetes is PART of my life, it is not my WHOLE life. 

That wasn’t true last night. Last night, diabetes controlled me. 
In the afternoon, I had a site change. That is the pink thing stuck to my tummy. 
Ignore my PJ pants (:
There is a little tube inside of me (under the pink thing) and the pink thing connects to tubing that connects to the insulin pump. The insulin pump then constantly pumps insulin into my body, and more at mealtimes when I tell it what I eat. More on that later.
In the middle of the night, I must have tossed and turned and ripped out the pump site. It rips out like a bandaid, so it isn’t that difficult. I probably went about 5 or 6 hours without insulin. 
When I woke up at 4 in the morning, I instantly felt very sick. I saw that my pump site had been pulled out. My number was 355. Pretty high. I knew I was probably entering or in DKA. 
What does high blood sugar feel like to me? Well, first there is the unquenchable thirst. Then comes the peeing, since when you are constantly thirsty you constantly drink water and… well, you get the idea. Then I start to feel confused, crabby, and I get headaches. I get dizzy and when it’s really bad, I throw up. Now, since I was sleeping, I didn’t notice the signs until I got dizzy and woke up. I spent the next hour throwing up. 
I gave three shots, and eventually got down to 180. Half decent. I was so exhausted at that point that I just went to sleep.
Diabetes sucks. I can’t deny that. Last night was one of those nights when I question my ability to do anything. It’s difficult to believe in yourself if you lose control of your body and your health- and it’s not your fault in any way. I’m questioning my ability to run, especially with the cross country girls this summer. I’m questioning my ability to even have a job. Who will want to have someone this problematic in their office/store? Who will want someone so messed up on their team?
I’m exhausted. Will I run today? We’ll see. I was planning on doing three miles fast, but maybe I’ll take three miles slow. 
I know this post wasn’t hopeful, but not every moment in life is good. That’s okay. I know I’ll get through this. 
~Emily
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